Hide your crazy - Oct. 8

Remember when being an adult seemed like the best thing in the universe? Then you got there and realized it’s not all the glitz and glam you could have sworn it would be. Here are some examples of how our childhood imaginations sit on a thrown of lies:

• The Never Ending Story, as a child, consisted of a boy, a big flying dog and heroic adventure.  The Never Ending Story, as an adult, consists of a mountain of laundry, you and procrastination. If you’re not a procrastinator, good for you! Enjoy that 12 seconds when all of the laundry in the house is done.

 • You find yourself changing the words to classic songs. “I’ve got bills… they’re multiplying. And I’m losing control…”  Then you have to clear a full day because THIS is the day you will face your demons and actually LOOK into your checking account. You still have another week until pay day and you’re pretty sure you are going to be depressed for the rest of the day. “Ohhhh we’re half way there. Oooohhh livin’ on a prayer...”

• You no longer can fuel your day off on Zebra Cakes, hot Cheetos, Dr. Pepper and gum. You realize you actually do have to take care of your own body. Not only does The Battle of the Bulge take on a relatable existence, but you also can relate to the witch that melted and why Humpty Dumpty needed to keep his big butt off of high walls.

  You probably are going to need to hit the weights because you need super human strength to squeeze the last bit of the toothpaste out of the tube for the rest of your life. There is no in-between. It goes from “brand new” to “I bet I can squeeze more out if I run over it with my car.”

• Speaking of health, you now are responsible for making your own doctor appointments and remembering them. This means you will be sick for the next seven years.

• Oh yes! And never forget: Beer before liquor, never been sicker; Toothpaste before orange juice, death.

• There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of clowns. Just kidding! There is absolutely no reason NOT to be afraid of clowns. Ever. This also goes for baby dolls, closets, the dark and mirrors... Especially at night. We will always remember that no matter where we are, every bed holds a portal to hell underneath it and if you stand too close, for too long, you will be drug under.

• No matter how many times you have sang the ABC song, you will never remember the order of “G, H and I” or “R, S and T.”

And finally…

• You may think you do, but you really never know a person until that fool hits you with a “draw four” on Uno Attack. However, if you aren’t prepared to lose every friend you’ve ever had over a game of cards, you aren’t plying hard enough.

   There are so many more struggles we didn’t realize we would have to face as adults, but I’ll stop it there for today. Feel free to share your own struggles with me on Facebook. We will add more to this list later on and there may be a lot of folks that share those struggles with you! That struggle is alive and well.