Things I’m almost sure of

•Mrs. Judy Pollan of Pitts­burg Independent School Dis­trict will represent Region 8 in the Texas Superintendent of the Year competition. I will be wishing Aunt Judy luck, but she really doesn’t need any. When we snagged her she was already the best superinten­dent around these parts. I am sure of this.

•Summertime means swim­ming lessons for toddlers. That would be a great job for me, except I don’t know how to swim. I sunburn in about 15 minutes and I have the kind of body that scares children and moms. I could pass out towels when everyone was finished without a whole lot of fuss.

•I have been trying to watch this World Cup (soccer), but it is so boring. The players act like wimps; they fall down untouched and start grabbing their legs. It’s kind of embar­rassing.

•I have been looking for my electric ice cream freezer. If I don’t find it soon, it’s going to have to be an early Christmas present. Homemade ice cream equals love.

•Why would you want to renew your wedding vows? I didn’t do a very good job the first time and no reason to be­lieve I could do any better the next time. I had the minister repeat a line because I didn’t understand him. Debbie would have kicked me, but her wed­ding dress was too long.

•There has been a bumper crop of frogs this year and a lot of them have made it to our pool. No snakes so far in the pool.

•I read an article about “keeping cool without air con­ditioning” this summer. There were suggestions about mov­ing the dryer and stove out­side and wearing cool clothing. These people are fools. Maybe you could just have your dogs lick the plate clean so you don’t have to run the dishwasher. Have they ever lived in Texas?

•Premastication or the prac­tice of chewing food in your mouth and then passing it on to your toddler is fine accord­ing to experts. Who are these nasty experts? If I’m eating a hot link slathered in catsup and hot sauce do you really want me to blow a chunk in your baby’s mouth? And if I’m eating banana pudding (or homemade ice cream) I’m not going to share. How is that right? This practice is like kissing a dead person, it isn’t happening. I’m real sure about this.

•Pope Francis has declared the mafia mobsters have been excommunicated. Former popes have danced around the wrong doing of the mafia chiefs in the past, but nothing like this. This is a good thing Francis.

•I was watching a mov­ie starring Chace Crawford. Then I realized Chace was the brother of Candice Romo, wife of Tony Romo. The movie was terrible, but any movie that reminds me of the Dallas Cow­boys is worth watching.

•The Texas Longhorns came up just short in their bid to reach another College Baseball World Series. It was a great year; however, especially the win over Texas A&M.

•I recommend reading “Blood Feud,” Edward Klein describes the dysfunctional and jealous relationship be­tween the Clintons and the Obamas. In fact Hillary is re­ferred to as Hildebeest. Can’t wait to find it and start quoting the passages.

•The annual Fourth of July fireworks is nearly here so make your plans and don’t wait until the last moment. I’m checking out my fogger this weekend.