Shooting the breeze - Sept. 17

I never thought I’d come back to this part of the country – and by country I mean Texas. But this is what happens when family needs you and boy, does my little family need each other.

I’m an only child, so for the first 18 years of my life, it was just mom, dad and me. Mom passed away Sept. 19, 2013. For the family I started my life with, that meant an entire third of our family unit was suddenly gone. It’s hard to believe my whole life turned upside down and then back right again just two years ago.

Mom had just turned 59. She had a kidney removed as a small child and subsequently came of age in the ’70s with all the freedom-loving, ‘I’ll do what I want,’ attitude that the decade entailed.

She didn’t take her medicine. She developed a weight problem. She smoked. By the time she had decided that maybe it was time to start going to the doctor again – in her late 40s – it was too late. She had a heart attack at 48, heart stent, stent in her leg vein, several stints in the hospital to make sure she didn’t lose her lower limbs…you name it.

In the last few months of her life, we found out she had cirrhosis of the liver from being overweight. Did you know you could get cirrhosis of the liver from that? We didn’t, but you can. Her doctor said her liver looked like that of a lifelong alcoholic. The night before she died, the doctors told us she had cancer. We never even found out where it originated from, but I would guess the liver.

I say all this to say – I warned her. I begged, cried and pleaded with her to start taking care of herself.

She died mad at me for being tough with her and finally saying all those things I never said when I was younger. I have a clear conscience for feeling like I tried, but it’s a heavy burden to know that I said hurtful things when I should have just been squeezing every bit of life out of those last few moments.

Dad wasn’t doing well afterwards, mentally or physically. He lost the love of his life – a woman he married six weeks after meeting and had spent nearly every day of the following 30-plus years with. He was in poor health from focusing on hers for so long. I told my husband that if we didn’t move here to take care of him then pretty soon we wouldn’t have a reason to come back here at all. It was a matter of weeks before we packed up everything and everyone and started this journey that we’re still traveling today.

I made a promise to myself and to my dad. I will not try to change him. I will make sure he knows how I feel about his health, but also let him know that his life is his to lead. He has chosen to continue to smoke. I could be angry or I could just hug him extra hard every chance I get. I’m choosing the smoky hug.

Likewise, he could spend his days slapping Twinkies out of my hand, but instead he chooses to love all of me. Our whole family has adopted healthier habits overall, but we still have our vices. I guess the important thing is that we support each other and we know we will be there for each other no matter what twists and turns life throws at us.

Three generations in one home isn’t easy every minute of every day, but overall, these have been some of the most fun and rewarding months of my life. The one thing we can never make more of is time. Call your mom. Call your dad. Go visit grandma and grandpa. Suck every bit of life out of every day that you can. None of us are getting out alive.