Hide your crazy - Sept. 10

Have you ever felt like how you were raised doesn't seem to work on raising your own children? Or maybe what works on one child, doesn't work at all on another child of yours?

There are undeniable and unchanging truths to parenting.

-Love your child

-Protect your child

-Teach your child right from wrong

-Discipline your child

Each one of these essentials can be taken in many different directions. It's no wonder we seem to butt heads with each other as parents, as well as with our own kids. The fact is, we are not all designed the same. Some of you may notice that you look at a community event director and think “Wow! They chose to be responsible for all of that? I would never.” Or some may wonder how anyone in their right mind, would CHOOSE to actively listen to that Debbie downer over there, be her friend and even take a job as a counselor to listen to more Debbie downers, day in and day out. Good Lord, bless their hearts! What about the feelings some of us have for that bubbly, energetic lady over there? We all know she's got to be taking some sort of pills to always be that happy and energetic, but hey, if they’re legal, sign me up. And while you're at it dear listener, shove some down ol’ Debbie downer’s throat so we can all be happy. Am I right? You laugh because it's true.

I don't believe that God created the negativity we morph ourselves into or project on others, but I do believe He created us each with specific tasks in mind. He gave us different strengths for these different future tasks.

I'd like to share some information that I believe is very helpful in parenting (or grandparenting and even other relationships in our lives). I'm also learning everyday.

There are four main personalities of individuals, according to the Hartman Personality Profile. Each personality can display characteristics of another, so think about the big picture before categorizing. Also, almost all babies and toddlers display yellow personalities, so it's wise to wait and watch them grow into individuals before categorizing them.

RED

Strengths- leadership, responsibility, confidence, action-oriented, motivated and decisive.

Weaknesses- bossy, demanding, argumentative, always right, aggressive, manipulative and selfish.

Parenting dos- speak logically, be direct and specific, promote their intelligence and let them make some decisions.

Parenting don’ts- don't lecture, limit your emotion (loving but not smothering), don't be intimidating and never embarrass them in front of their peers.

Lord help the parents of a red. I have a child that displays characteristics of a red, as do I, but I have a niece that is a true red, through and through. She is the daughter of my very white (I will explain whites soon) sister. She is as sweet as can be, smarter than most adults I know, has the ability to understand things well beyond her 9 years, but will argue with a wall and back-talk until the cows come home. She tends to lead her friends through the events of the day, and she likes her plans. Most everyone does…hey! She knows what she's doing. You can count on her to remember and efficiently complete any tasks she’s given. But if she doesn't, you can bet Chuck Norris himself that she will have her defense drawn up as to why, how it's not her fault, why it was a stupid task to begin with and she'll also have a negotiation tactic on her punishment.

 She keeps you on your toes, but always smiling.

BLUE

Strengths- compassion, sincerity, loyalty, dependability, well-behaved and easily disciplined.

Weaknesses- easily frustrated, sensitive, moody and emotional, easily feel victimized, critical and pouty.

Parent dos- be sensitive, help them feel secure, let them know they can express their feelings safely without judgment, appreciate them verbally, be sincere and promote creativity.

Parenting don’ts - make them feel guilty, expect spontaneity, don't demand perfection, don't expect them to easily let go of pain or anger. (But teach and help them to forgive as it's important to learn to live a healthy life. Plus, it’s the least we can do, seeing how Christ can forgive us from our constant sinful behavior)

I have a blue son (one of the twins). My husband and I always know which kid to put our faith into, if we ask for a certain chore to be done. He is far from lazy, aims to please and when he sees his twin brother, me or any friend hang our head in sadness, he’s the first to put an arm around us and tell us that it will be okay. He never forgets to kiss us goodnight and he rarely disobeys rules. However, he tends to get very mad when he does get in trouble or when he feels as if someone has treated him poorly. We laugh at how he’ll tense up and pooch out his lower lip, but it can cause us to have to discipline him further for his fits. What he stays in trouble about is tattle-telling on his sister. I guess this goes a long with the victimized and critical aspect of his blue personality.

Even though I am a woman, I'm not a blue. Parenting a blue takes patience and a lot of thought before approach, for me. Which I am not the best at. I learn a lot from my blue.

WHITE:

Strengths- peace keeper, undemanding, accommodating, comfortable alone and no drama.

Weaknesses- resents pressure, non-verbal, uncomfortable socially, indifferent and doesn't complete tasks.

Parenting dos- be kind in criticism, listen quietly, gently promote involvement and accept their individuality.

Parenting don’ts- be insensitive, expect easy social interactions with peers and demand conformity.

This certain story involves a nephew of mine. It touched my heart and taught me a valuable parenting lesson.

After years of feeling bullied by a peer (possibly a few), his parents, feeling that protective instinct, would tell him “son, you need to fight back. If you're hit, hit back to show that disrespecting you comes with consequences. If they refuse to show you respect in play, don't play with them anymore.” Who else has told their kids this? I know I have! But the way my nephew drew a conclusion and took the guts to try to explain himself, brought tears his parents eyes, as well as mine. He said “I know you told me to not take it anymore, and I've really thought about hitting him hard. But momma, I just can't do it. I don't want to hurt him. I'm sorry if you are disappointed with me, but I don't know why I can't do it.”  What a brave young man! That's a beautiful aspect of his personality, and his parents assured him that they wouldn't change him for the world.

YELLOW:

Strengths- enjoys life, accepting, social, inquisitive and pliable.

Weaknesses- sassy, defiant of authority, selfish, irresponsible and teaser.

Parenting dos- be positive, adore and praise them, promote creativity and allow verbal expression. (We talk a lot. Let us.)

Parenting don’ts- be too serious, ignore them, consume their time and demand perfection.

I'm sure my mom will say “There's Laura in a nutshell! Except she tends to be a bit bossy and argumentative.” Yes, I am yellow and display some red characteristics. I have a daughter just like me and another son very close. He’s mostly all yellow (my other twin) but quiet. Easy to raise, you say? I'd say try again! I try to let all my kids express themselves with who they want to be. Sports are equally enjoyed by everyone in our family. I see vast amount of improvement with both of my yellows behavior if they aren't forced to be cooped up with daunting chores or homework for too long. They have lots of friends and get along well with just about anyone, but can tend to be moody if the spotlight is not on them. Especially my yellow twin. I don't know if it's twin syndrome or yellow syndrome, but it can cause behavior like negative teasing or bragging, which are two behaviors I can't stand. Especially when used against my blue twin. But my yellows know how to win you back with their smiles and fun-loving personality.

I also wouldn't change one of my kids for the world. Most of us have never even thought about the differences and how our own personalities can affect our children's. Although it seems like a lot of work to put in, I believe it's our job to give our kids the support and emotional tools they need to conquer.