Hide your crazy - Aug. 27

If you said that true love comes easy, it’s never having to say I’m sorry, or is an open door, I’d agree with you... But then we’d both be wrong. Fairy tales, Hollywood and love songs have distorted reality and sold us these high, humanly-impossible standards. Most of us buy it.

I was married at 19. Almost 12 years later I can admit that I’m not a perfect wife, Shaun is not a perfect husband, we both make mistakes, we both hold grudges, one of us has an anger problem… but I won’t name his name. And the other has a smart mouth. We’ve gone through some rough times. We have a beautiful family, live in a great community, have amazing families, support out of the wazoo, but I can promise you that the ONLY reason we have pulled through is because of God.

But when trying to figure out if it’s the right person to fall in love with, you may want to ask these important questions:

-Have you ever said no to a pizza?

-How do you feel about cats?

-Do you like to talk during movies?

-Do you understand the difference between your and you’re?

-Do you understand and speak fluent movie quotes and sarcasm?

-Do you like to cuddle past two minutes?

I am definitely no saint or marriage counselor but in light of all the Hollywood divorcing going on, I’m going to throw out some tips, quotes and truths that I find quite helpful to make a marriage last.

 • When someone is murdered, who do the police investigate first? The spouse. That right there tells you the reality of marriage. Sometimes you will contemplate murder, and that’s okay. But divorce shouldn’t be on the table during arguments. Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them... And because you’re too pretty to go to prison.

• True love is honest. It’s “I love you more and more every day. Except yesterday. Yesterday you scissor kicked my last nerve.”

Now, it’s not TOO honest. Keep a healthy portion of mystery in a marriage. Close the bathroom door when duty calls. Yes I said duty.

•True love is more than that chemical reaction that dissipates within the first 18 months of a relationship (yeah, it’s science). It’s them walking in and you getting that same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

•It’s the urge to pour your heart and soul into a bad poem for them, yet also loving the sound they make when they shut up. And I quote, “Roses are red violets are blue, you so pretty, I love you.” by Shaun Oglesby. I still have that poem, as bad as it is. And I love it.

•Pick your battles. Are you really going to care who didn’t do the dishes or fold the towels, in 10 years? And guys, keep in mind that a woman never starts an argument with a man that is dusting, vacuuming, or washing the dishes.

•If you can’t be nice, at least be funny. Instead of, “You’re so irresponsible. I don’t even know how you keep a job!” try “I’m not wearing any underwear... Because you didn’t put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to.”

•Never forget that a person’s greatest need is to feel appreciated. Does your spouse, after taking out the trash, give the impression that they just cleaned the whole house, solved world hunger and cured cancer? Give them the applause and appreciation that they seek and you won’t find yourself arguing about how you never appreciate them, while waiting for a coffee at McDonald’s drive-thru.

•Real love and marriage isn’t about how compatible you are. It’s about how you deal with your incompatibilities. Storms will come. Marriage is a promise to get through those storms holding hands. Not facing it on your own, not protecting yourself, and not cowering down hoping someone will pick you up and carry you. But holding hands, side by side, until you both come out together.

•When our cars get a flat, we don’t sell it. We’re smarter than that. When we break a leg, we don’t cut it off. When something of true value breaks, we don’t throw it away, we fix it.